Learning to believe.

I want to believe.  I want to be that person who is perpetually optimistic, who always believes that something wonderful is about to happen.  The person who lives mindfully, who meditates everyday, who eats healthy, who feels healthy, who never gives up.  I'm not that person yet.  I've been trying for years... this blog is my record of my attempt to become that person.

I've half read all the self help books (I never seem to actually finish one).  I download the meditations and the affirmations, put them on my iPod and listen to them religiously - for about a week... maybe two and then I get sick of it.

I've read all the diet books too... I know how to eat healthy (I've been a vegetarian for 12 years and I've tried veganism a couple of times but I usually give up on that too).  My desire to eat healthy is usually outweighed by my desire to eat something just because (because I'm bored, or because I crave it, or because I'm really depressed... or really happy - figure that one out, or just because I like to eat.

I even made a full list of New Year's Resolutions this year... I don't think I've completed a single one.

I want to make a life change.  I'm not happy in this body or this mindset for that matter.  This is my journey to that life change... a record of my studies, my experiments, my successes, my failures and hopefully my refusal to give up on myself this time.  Don't I deserve to enjoy every second of this crazy blessing they call Life?  Wish me luck it's going to be a bumpy ride.